Anatidaephobia
by Steelburst
Summary: Everyone has a fear. Crack fiction is crack. ish.


"Oh, come on, everyone is afraid of something!" Sam insisted, throwing his hands up at his guardian. Bumblebee merely tapped his two index fingers together innocently, before shrugging. Truth be told, there was something, but he wasn't too keen on giving it up so easily; especially not to Sam, who was the center of his fears. The mech was concerned that one day, should Sam be in some sort of trouble, he would not be there to save or protect his charge. Bumblebee, although it may not seem like it, took his job as a guardian very seriously. Sam was important to him, and he couldn't even bear the thought of something happening to him. However, the teenager seemed very insistent upon discovering a fear from all the mechs on base, starting with his guardian.

"What are you afraid of, Sam?" he asked in return, hoping to sidetrack the human. It was easily done, if one asked the right question. It seemed Sam's own phobia was a good choice of topic.

"Spiders." He visibly shuddered, rubbing his hand up his arm. "They're just… so small, and …ugh, they're just disgusting! Too many legs to be allowed on Earth! In the universe!" Bumblebee couldn't help but be amused at his charge's fear, however irrational it was. Internet searches revealed that there were very few spiders in the United States that were dangerous to humans—and none of them could be found in Sam's remote area. Not even his half of the country.

"Not everyone has a fear, Sam. What about Megatron? You think he fears anything?" Bumblebee asked, hoping to keep the human from asking about his fear again. They were interrupted by Ratchet, who's heavy steps brought him into the recreational room and to where Sam and Bumblebee were gathered by the wall, enjoying each other's company on one of the rare visits the young human could make to their base.

"He's probably afraid of toasters," the mech commented with a snort. "But Bumblebee is right. There are some humans out there that do not possess fears."

"What about you, Ratchet? What do you fear?" Sam asked, not willing to settle. Everyone had a fear.

"I fear for my patients and for my team every time they go into battle against the Decepticons," he answered easily. "It is a reasonable fear, given my occupation." Sam nodded in agreement, though was hoping for something outlandish, like the fear of splinters. Which, he admitted, didn't make sense for a giant metal robot, but didn't fail to entertain him.

"Oh, where's Optimus?" the teen asked, eyes brightening with the thought to ask the Autobot Leader what his fear was. Ratchet sighed.

"In his office." Why he was telling Sam where the Prime was, he'd never know. He was basically giving the kid the chance to go harass Optimus. Yet, both Ratchet and Bumblebee were oddly curious of what Optimus would say—although both had the fleeting thought that it'd be nothing less of noble. It was the Prime, after all. In a whirl of shifting gears and metal grinding against metal, Bumblebee shifted from root to alt mode, the driver's door popping open for Sam to get inside while Ratchet followed suit, having every intention of going along to see what Optimus had to say to the human.

The office door was open, Optimus seated at his Autobot sized desk, optics flickering to the arriving mechs and human. Sam stepped out, grinning in greeting as Bumblebee transformed back before lifting his charge from the ground to the desk, so he was better able to communicate with the Prime. Ratchet transformed too, standing a few feet back, watching with a stoic expression.

"Samuel, to what do I owe this honor?" Optimus asked, baritone as strong as ever.

"I have a question. 'Bee and I were talking about it, and I was wondering what you fear?" He seemed nervous now, standing before Optimus, asking something like that. It was the Prime, for crying out loud. Perhaps this hadn't been such a great idea.

Optimus' optics dimmed a bit, before his battle mask snapped up, shielding the lower half of his face. He leaned back in his chair, before swiveling it around to the side, so his back was to Sam, and his optics were able to see out the window without difficulty. Bumblebee and Ratchet could see Optimus perfectly still, seeing how his fingers came together at the tips before his engine rumbled.

"They're out there, Sam, they're out there somewhere…" he spoke, voice low. Sam's eyebrows furrowed, and he glanced at Bee, who glanced at Ratchet, who shrugged. The human was convinced that Optimus meant the Decepticons, but sought clarification.

"Who's out there… Optimus?"

"The ducks. They're out there, watching me. I can't stand it!" he shouted, swiveling in his chair again to face Sam and slam his servos on the desk. The wood creaked in protest while the human immediately flinched away, eyes wide at the sudden outburst and the absurdity of it. Optimus' optics flared wildly, the blue glowing vibrantly. "Do you know what it's like, sitting in your office all day knowing that somewhere, beady little eyes are watching you? But you can never find where the fragging things are hiding? They're watching me, Sam. The ducks are… watching…" His last word was a whisper as he leaned back in his chair, slouching a bit and looking around in paranoia. Sam could really only stare, not a muscle daring to move in his body while his mind tried to figure out what just happened.

"Sam, maybe we should let Ratchet speak to Optimus… without us… present…" Bumblebee said, gently scooping up the human, optics wide with confusion. Ratchet was equally as stunned, but thoroughly convinced the Prime had dislodged a circuit somewhere.

"No! You mustn't go!" Optimus suddenly exclaimed, reaching forward for Bumblebee. His optics darted to Ratchet, before flickering back to the yellow mech. "He's… he's working with them, don't you see?" Despite the Prime trying to whisper, the medic could still hear him quite fine. "When you leave, he'll just let the ducks get me. You don't want them to get me, do you?" Bumblebee stared, not sure what to do or how to answer.

"I… I don't want the ducks to get you, Optimus. But Ratchet needs to check your circuits, and I need to get Sam home…" Or to safety, away from their obviously crazy Prime. The scout wasn't sure he'd be able to ever look at Optimus the same way again.

"NO!" the Prime shouted, suddenly catapulting his entire frame over the desk, succeeding in knocking Bumblebee to the floor, and only out of luck was the yellow mech able to keep Sam from being harmed. Optimus ran for the door, easily using his superior strength to shove Ratchet out of the way.

"The ducks will never get me! NEVER!"

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><p>... thoughts? c:<br>Reviews appreciated!


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